“When you’re in a friends with benefits situation, you don’t have go to the other person’s awful friend’s birthday party. “We are all selfish-we all live in this Ayn Rand–ish self-centered world, whether we like it or not,” he said. He then gave me that look-the one that means he’s about to admit to something despicable and blame it on humanity. It’s not encumbered by obligations, which just lead to resentment.” “Having a friend with benefits is great because it’s just-it’s just less annoying,” he said, smoking a cigar and dressed in an inexplicable beige silk onesie. I was curious to know if Malcolm felt the same way I did about all of this, so last week (for strictly journalistic purposes), I paid him a visit. But sometimes, romantic friendships can offer a type of intimacy that committed relationships can’t. She doesn’t know that loving you is the worst way to get to you.” Harsh. Afterward, when they’re lying in bed together, Betty says of Don’s new wife, “That poor girl. This paradox always makes me think of that Mad Men episode when Betty seduced Don at their kid’s summer camp, well after they had both remarried. So what is it about the friends with benefits dynamic that is more sustainable, and often more transparent, than an actual relationship? And he actually knows me better than a lot of my partners ever did. And while I can’t imagine being with my Cuba date “for real”-I mean, he’s a low-key homeless anarchist who once took me on date to his Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous meeting there are red flags-I still value our relationship immensely.

That’s longer than I predict my first marriage will last. Boyfriends and girlfriends have come and gone, but my friends with benefits have stood the test of time. It was while planning this vacation that it hit me: The two longest relationships of my life have both been with men who I was never officially dating. This arrangement would generally be called a friend with benefits, or a fuck buddy, or a romantic friendship, or perhaps even a relationship-with “no strings attached.” But let’s be real: There are always strings, aren’t there? We live on different continents, but inevitably, a few times a year, we find each other somewhere in the world, have a few days of romance, and then go our separate ways. In a few days, I’m going to Cuba on vacation with a guy I’ve been sleeping with for eight years, but whom I've never once called my boyfriend.

Fuck buddy